Tag: literature

morbidmanatee:

shiftingpath:

dingdongyouarewrong:

dingdongyouarewrong:

remember the wayside school books those were fucked up

remember that one chapter where a new student came to the class and was wearing like 10 different raincoats and the teacher kept making him take off the raincoats one by one until they got down to the final layer and it was just a dead rat

some other truly exceptional Wayside moments:

-Paul keeps pulling Leslie’s pigtails so he gets sent to the counsellor’s office. The counsellor is a hypnotist named Doctor Pickell, and he hypnotizes Paul into thinking Leslie’s pigtails are snakes. Because he’s a troll, he also hypnotizes Paul into believing Leslie’s ears are delicious candy whenever Leslie says the word “pencil”.

-The class is taken over by the son of hated ex-teacher Mrs. Gorf. Because they killed his mom he uses his superpower of stealing people’s voices to steal their voices and call their parents to say how much each individual student hates their family. The students are forced to listen in silence, crying. (They are saved by the cafeteria lady.)

-Benjamin is too nervous and awkward to correct Mrs Jewls when she gets his name wrong, so he goes by “Mark Miller” for months. He finally says his real name to a substitute teacher. Everyone thinks it’s a great prank and also go by Benjamin for the whole day, including the teacher.

-Louis the yard teacher falls in love with substitute teacher Miss Nogard. She has a third ear on top of her head that allows her to listen to people’s thoughts.

-Joe is the only student to order the potato salad one day. The face he draws in it looks like Mrs. Gorf and she nearly turns Joe into an apple.

-Because Wayside School is 30 stories high, they installed elevators. One only went up and the other only went down, so they got used once and never again.

-Allison gets stuck on the 19th story, which doesn’t exist. Nobody else can see, hear, or remember her. The 19th chapter is three chapters long.

My favorite genre of children’s story is “This would be horror if the characters were adults”

Loved these books. I think I still have them. What about the one kid who got a tattoo on his ankle of a potato? Or the substitute who was evil and they got her to go after her old student who was now a dentist? I still remember the phrase “Rub a monkey’s tummy with your head!”

The Last Words Of Famous Writers

sapphire-and-gold-fire:

autumngracy:

vintage-mist:

dali-daydreams:

When you’ve dedicated your life to words, it’s important to go out eloquently.

  1. Ernest Hemingway: “Goodnight my kitten.” Spoken to his wife before he killed himself.
  2. Jane Austen: “I want nothing but death.” In response to her sister, Cassandra, who was asking her if she wanted anything.
  3. J.M Barrie: “I can’t sleep.”
  4. L. Frank Baum: “Now I can cross the shifting sands.”
  5. Edgar Allan Poe: “Lord help my poor soul.”
  6. Thomas Hobbes: “I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap into the dark,”
  7. Alfred Jarry: “I am dying…please, bring me a toothpick.”
  8. Hunter S. Thompson: “Relax — this won’t hurt.”
  9. Henrik Ibsen: “On the contrary!”
  10. Anton Chekhov: “I haven’t had champagne for a long time.”
  11. Mark Twain: “Good bye. If we meet—” Spoken to his daughter Clara.
  12. Louisa May Alcott: “Is it not meningitis?” Alcott did not have meningitis, though she believed it to be so. She died from mercury poison.
  13. Jean Cocteau: “Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking towards me, without hurrying.”
  14. Washington Irving: “I have to set my pillows one more night, when will this end already?”
  15. Leo Tolstoy: “But the peasants…how do the peasants die?”
  16. Hans Christian Andersen: “Don’t ask me how I am! I understand nothing more.”
  17. Charles Dickens: “On the ground!” He suffered a stroke outside his home and was asking to be laid on the ground.
  18. H.G. Wells: “Go away! I’m all right.” He didn’t know he was dying.
  19. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “More light.”
  20. W.C. Fields: “Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!” “Carlotta” was Carlotta Monti, actress and his mistress.
  21. Voltaire: “Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.” When asked by a priest to renounce Satan.
  22. Dylan Thomas: “I’ve had 18 straight whiskies…I think that’s the record.”
  23. George Bernard Shaw: “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.”
  24. Henry David Thoreau: “Moose…Indian.”
  25. James Joyce: “Does nobody understand?”
  26. Oscar Wilde: “Either the wallpaper goes, or I do.” 
  27. Bob Hope: “Surprise me.” He was responding to his wife asking where he wanted to be buried.
  28. Roald Dahl’s last words are commonly believed to be “you know, I’m not frightened. It’s just that I will miss you all so much!” which are the perfect last words. But, after he appeared to fall unconscious, a nurse injected him with morphine to ease his passing. His actual last words were a whispered “ow, fuck”
  29. Salvador Dali hoped his last words would be “I do not believe in my death,” but instead, they were actually, “Where is my clock?”
  30. Emily Dickinson: “I must go in, the fog is rising.”

Tag yourself. I’m HG Wells.

I’m Voltaire

I’m Roald Dahl

Her tarot readings were reputed to be so accurate that several of her friends nervously refused to let her tell them their fortunes. After the family moved to Vermont in 1945, she never had fewer than six cats at a time. A friend of her elder daughter recalled a dinner when a grey cat jumped on Shirley’s shoulder and seemed to whisper in her ear, at which point she announced that the cat had told her a poem – which she then repeated. Joanne reported another light side to her witchcraft. She kept all the small kitchen tools crammed in one drawer. When she wanted one, she would slam the drawer shut, call out the desired utensil’s name, and open the drawer. According to Joanne, it would always be on top.

aka I kind of want to be Shirley Jackson when I grow up (via sansasnark)

on Shirley Jackson, from Ladies Laughing: Wit as Control in Contemporary American Women Writers by Barbara Levy

(via laurenlizperez)

Source: sansasnark

Alternatives for 25 overused words in writing

colonelstudy:

1. Interesting– note worthy; thought-provoking; fascinating; attracting; appealing; attention-grabbing; captivating; gripping; invigorating; engrossing; engaging; electrifying.  

2. Beautiful– striking; stunning; magnificent; lovely; charming; gorgeous; radiant; dazzling.

3. Good– acceptable, wonderful, exceptional; positive; brilliant; first-rate; notable; stellar; favorable; superb; marvellous; prime.

4. Bad– awful; lousy; poor; unacceptable; crummy; dreadful; rough; inferior; substandard; atrocious; appalling; dreadful; defective.

5. Look– glance; fixate; observe; stare; gaze; peer; scan; watch; study; browse; eye; glimpse; review; inspect.

6. Nice– lovely; superior; pleasant; satisfying; delightful; likeable; agreeable; correct; adequate; swell; fair; okay; approved.

7. Very– extremely; exceedingly; exceptionally; immensely; tremendously; abundantly; particularly; remarkably.

8. Fine- satisfactory; worthy; respectable; exquisite; suitable; well; imposing; decent; admirable; praise-worthy; decent.

9. Happy– cheerful; delighted; pleased; content; amused; thrilled; elated; thrilled; ecstatic; on cloud 9. 

10. Really– genuinely; truly; honestly; actually; undoubtedly; certainly; remarkably; incredibly; downright; unquestionably; extremely.

11. Sad– miserable; gloomy; devastated; down at heard; distraught; distressed; dispirited; sorrowful; downcast; feeling blue; desolate.

12. Big– massive; huge; giant; gigantic; enormous; large; colossal; immense; bulky; tremendous; hefty; sizable; extensive; great; substantial. 

13. Shocked– taken aback; lost for words; flabbergasted; staggered; outraged; astonished; astounded; stunned; speechless; appalled.

14. Small– tiny; petite; mini; miniature; microscopic; minuscule; compact; pocket-sized; cramped; puny; undersized; limited; meager; modest; minute; pint-sized. 

15. Angry– irate; enraged; touchy; cross; resentful; indignant; infuriated; wound-up; worked-up; seething; raging; heated; bitter; bad-tempered; offended; frustrated. 

16. Know– understand; comprehend; realize; learn; perceive; recognize; grasp; sense.

17. Change– alter; transform; replace; diversify; adjust; adapt; modify; remodel; vary; evolve; transfigure; redesign; refashion; advance; transition; shift; adjustment.

18. Old– aged; ancient; matured; elderly; senior; veteran; decrepit; seasoned; venerable; past one’s prime; doddering; senile.

19. Think– ponder; reflect; conceive; imagine; contemplate; consider; determine; realize; visualize; guess/assume; conclude; envision. 

20. Funny– comical; ludicrous; amusing; droll; entertaining; absurd; hilarious; silly; whimsical; hysterical; joking; witty; facetious; slapstick; side-splitting; knee-slapping.

21. Go– move; proceed; advance; progress; travel; walk; journey; depart; exit; flee; make one’s way; clear out; get underway.

22. Give– grant; donate; hand-out; present; provide; deliver; hand over; offer; award; bestow; supply with; contribute to; send; entrust.

23. Get– acquire; obtain; receive; gain; earn; gather; collect; buy; purchase; attain; score; secure; take possession of; grab.

24. Easy– effortless; simple; clear; smooth; straightforward; uncomplicated; painless; accessible; apparent; basic; plain; child’s play; facile; elementary; cinch. 

25. Fast– agile; brisk; rapid; nimble; swift; accelerated; fleeting; high-speed; active; dashing; winged; hurried; turbo. 

schmergo:

Concept: A Dorian Gray inspired Richard III production, where Richard looks like he did historically, but every time he does something evil, a portrait of him on the wall is further defaced or distorted, until at the end of the play, it depicts the hunch-backed, withered-armed, limping, unattractive and monstrous Richard traditionally seen in the play. The whole production would symbolize how his legacy has twisted and warped into a mythic villain, each murderous act separating Shakespeare’s Richard further from a ‘real’ person. After defeating Richard, Henry Tudor tears the painting off the wall and takes it offstage with him, ready to use it for propaganda.

JK Rowling: Suddenly, light started shining through the window!
J.R.R. Tolkien: The window, which hanged on the wall, softly letting its curtains dance around the room, suddenly brought a bright light into the house.
Douglass Adams: Quite unexpectedly, light shined through the window in the room, which was less surprising when you think about the fact that’s what windows are for.
Lemony Snicket: Light shined through the window abruptly.
abruptly, usually means unexpected, or sudden. For instance, if your mother picked you up from school after telling you twice about doing that, it would not be abruptly. However, if someone were to tell you your house burned down and your parents were dead without telling you to sit down first, it would very much be called, abruptly.

because apparently this needs to be said AGAIN

marzipanandminutiae:

in the most general aesthetic terms possible

1600s: most witch-hunts ended in this century. no witches were burned in North America; they were hanged or in one case pressed to death

1700s: the American Revolution. Marie Antoinette. the French Revolution. the crazy King George. most pirate movies

1800-1830: Jane Austen! Pride and Prejudice! those dresses where the waist is right under one’s boobs and men have a crapton of facial hair inside high collars

1830-1900: Victorian. Les Miserables is at the beginning, the Civil War is in the middle, and Dracula is at the end

1900-1920: Edwardian. Titanic, World War I, the Samantha books from American Girl, Art Nouveau

1920s: Great Gatsby. Jazz Age. Flappers and all that. most people get this right but IT IS NOT VICTORIAN. STUFF FROM THIS ERA IS NOT VICTORIAN. DO NOT CALL IT VICTORIAN OR LIST IT ON EBAY AS VICTORIAN. THAT HAPPENS SURPRISINGLY OFTEN GIVEN HOW STAGGERING THE VISUAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ERAS IS. also not 100 years ago yet, glamour.com “100 years of X” videos. you’re lazy, glamour.com. you’re lazy and I demand my late Edwardian styles

I just saw people referencing witch burning and Marie Antoinette on a post about something happening in 1878. 1878. when there were like trains and flush toilets and early plastic and stuff. if you guys learn nothing else about history, you should at least have vague mental images for each era