Tag: immortals

oylmpians:

a list of current immortals

  • florence welch: probably like 200 BCE celtic queen
  • keeanu reeves: 1500 renaissance hoe
  • jeff goldblum: late 1800′s i would guess
  • harry styles: fairly new immortal, 1970′s 
  • lorde: 1920′s flapper era
  • hozier: man who even knows, rough estimate is like, 400 BCE
  • john mulaney: 1930′s/40′s, still bitter about the great depression probably and if he could put it in a bit with out being #exposed he would
  • paul rudd: newest to the immortal club, didn’t age past the 1990′s

priboltao:

aces-and-anime:

teenagebarbarianbeard:

artisanbloodbank:

hubblegleeflower:

twentyonelizards:

wombatking:

newtgeiszler:

jesterofthetraveler:

I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired

jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him

So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:

John Mulaney – early 20th century

Eric Andre – Probably 17th century or so.

Taika Waititi – Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare

Keanu Reeves – We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.

Jeff Goldblum – 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.

Tommy Wiseau – Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.

this is david lynch erasure

Who are the female immortals?

Jenny Slate – Jazz Age Darling, bffs with Alice Roosevelt

Helena Bonham Carter – Refused an invitation to dine with Queen Victoria based on her treatment of the Irish

Lucy Liu – ran away from home to join Ching Shih, 19th century Pirate Queen’s crew. Was considered too soft for fighting and was given an accordion

Bjork – 14th century Icelandic healer accused of witchcraft, also possibly a selkie

Whoopie Goldberg – present during the Conquest of Constantinople but don’t bring it up around her, it’s too fresh in her mind

Tilda Swinton – found sleeping in a peat bog. Carbon dating inconclusive

this is blatant cher erasure

Cher isn’t immortal – she can just turn back time

Ok, two things

1 – Keanu is more likely the same age as Jeff Goldblum, I can tots see him as this Biblical prophet that was just trying to warn humanity that things would go downhill v soon

2 – If you think Lucy Liu would be considered too soft to fight you are very mistaken my friend

She would inherit that motherfucking pirate business