Stephen, while looking through alternate universes, discovers that he is connected to Everett Ross in more ways that he thought was possible.
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(Originally posted on my insta @/bannersodinson)
when i was a breeze i blew four dozen trees every morning to strengthen my gales and now that i’m grown i just raze them with ease, so i’m seven times bigger than wales!
I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired
jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him
So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:
John Mulaney – early 20th century
Eric Andre – Probably 17th century or so.
Taika Waititi – Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare
Keanu Reeves – We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.
Jeff Goldblum – 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.
Tommy Wiseau – Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.
this is david lynch erasure
Who are the female immortals?
Jenny Slate – Jazz Age Darling, bffs with Alice Roosevelt
Helena Bonham Carter – Refused an invitation to dine with Queen Victoria based on her treatment of the Irish
Lucy Liu – ran away from home to join Ching Shih, 19th century Pirate Queen’s crew. Was considered too soft for fighting and was given an accordion
Bjork – 14th century Icelandic healer accused of witchcraft, also possibly a selkie
Whoopie Goldberg – present during the Conquest of Constantinople but don’t bring it up around her, it’s too fresh in her mind
Tilda Swinton – found sleeping in a peat bog. Carbon dating inconclusive
this is blatant cher erasure
Cher isn’t immortal – she can just turn back time
Ok, two things
1 – Keanu is more likely the same age as Jeff Goldblum, I can tots see him as this Biblical prophet that was just trying to warn humanity that things would go downhill v soon
2 – If you think Lucy Liu would be considered too soft to fight you are very mistaken my friend
She would inherit that motherfucking pirate business
Imagine thinking your spouse is a sexy secret agent for decades only to find out he’s a restaurant critic for fat tire boy magazine
Better yet imagine a real spy getting in trouble and mistaking a restaurant critic for a fellow agent. But the critic takes their job very seriously and won’t reveal themselves and so gets pulled into some kind of huge dangerous conspiracy whilst continuing to take notes on the quality of every restaurant they almost get shot in.
Someone please make this into a movie. With Jason Staham as the food critic.
Things I like about this decal on a restaurant window:
-the insane orange waiter
-that he’s carrying his plates in the air like a strongman
-the couple looks like this isn’t the first time he’s done this, but it’s easier to just let it happen at this point.
-the sign says PASTA as if he’s screaming it like a frankenstein
-but he’s holding a plate of an entire chicken and a plate of wine glasses
-there’s three wine glasses
-one’s for him.
This makes me laugh to the point of tears every time I see it
RandomFandom 