Whenever i feel sad i ask myself what Jim Moriarty would do. The answer is usually murder. I need a better role model.
Tag: funny
Map of every European city.
I believe it’s spelled “Dublin”
Party Rock Anthem has the same BPM as Uptown Girl (x)
This makes me so happy omg
Everything about this meme makes me happy tbh
bachelor 1: i would die for you
bachelor 2: i would kill for you
woman who is about to invent dueling: i have an idea
99! The gang and what’s in their bags. As always, zoom in for details 🙂
cute-necromancing-misanthrope:
REVIEWS FOR VENOM JUST CAME IN AND IT’S A 28% ON ROTTEN TOMATOES!!!!!! THIS MOVIES GONNA BE SO FUCKIN FUNNY IM SO EXCITED. GOD I LOVE TERRIBLE SPIDERMAN MOVIES
“If you replaced Tom Hardy for Steve Martin in “All of Me,” and switched out Lily Tomlin for a wad of chewed-up black licorice, you’d have “Venom.”“
“When a major fight scene resembles a pair of black pants caught in a white wash, it’s fair to say you haven’t taken the audience with you.”
“It’s a train wreck of a movie, mixing and matching wildly dissonant tones, bizarre plot contrivances, and a truly unique lead performance.”
“Tom Hardy seems to be trying to be the first actor to win an Oscar and a Razzie for the same performance.”
“A film that feels like what you’d expect from a below average superhero flick circa 2004, like Ghost Rider or Fantastic Four.”
^ some of my fave critic review excerpts. i have never been more excited
some more
“The movie is so ridiculous that many viewers will at least be entertained in a dumbfounded way.”
“Think Affleck Daredevil. Think Ang Lee Hulk. Think Halle Berry Catwoman. That’s… I mean, that’s really all there is to be said, I think.”
“This is a movie that somehow slipped through a wormhole from 2004. That’s my biggest take. It’s a movie that spilled from the pre-MCU era through a crack in time and space… The humor, the story beats, everything right down to the Eminem theme song feels like it emerged Kimmy Schmidt style from a sealed off early ‘00s bunker.”
“Sorry to say that Venom is pretty much a complete failure — a tonal mess that feels 15 years old, ignoring the storytelling strides that the superhero genre has made in recent years.”
“Not sure I had the intended reactions to some scenes, but fun is fun — even when it’s totally ridiculous, right? It’s too bad they didn’t go for the R rating, though.”
“The cast seems to all know they’re in a darker superhero movie, except Tom Hardy who is basically remaking Jim Carrey’s Liar Liar.”
“At one point Tom Hardy and Venom make out.”
gonna go see it just for the make out honestly
I was completely fine and then “At one point Tom Hardy and venom make out”
I now what to see this movie more than ever.
Yesterday I overheard someone talking about how he was taking classes at the University of Maryland because they offer free tuition if you’re over 60.
My brain IMMEDIATELY began scripting a screwball comedy in which a broke millennial who desperately want to finish his long-abandoned degree but is drowning in student debt pretends to be a senior citizen in order to attend college for free.
I’m picturing someone Channing Tatumesque, applying age makeup every morning before he heads off to class. It’s sort of a cross between 21 Jump Street and Mrs. Doubtfire. He keeps forgetting which hip is supposed to be his bad one. His classmates laugh every time he uses slang. There’s definitely a scene where he attends a college party and busts it up on the dance floor.
He catches the eye of a fellow returning student, a woman in her 50s, but she thinks he’s like 70 and she’s already buried one husband, you know? She’s not interested in doing that again. When his charade unravels (hilariously) at the end of the movie, though, she finds out he’s actually like 30 and has abs you could bounce a quarter off. And he’s still super into her. And really, maybe it’s time she gave May-December romance a chance.
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