Tag: funny

Bucky: Wow it’s so great to be out of cryo I can’t wait to see how the world has changed and-
Steve, dressed in all black with a beard, lip piercing, and eyeliner: I go by Deathblade now. My favourite colour is pain. I wrote this poem about my feelings but I’m not gonna read it to you.
Sam: It’s been a long year welcome back

justanothercinemaniac:

spontaneousmusicalnumber:

In The Road to El Dorado there is only really one inexplicable thing within the plot. Miguel and Tulio plausibly bluff their way through or slip out of most situations. However, I’d never figured out why the volcano actually stops erupting when Tulio commands it. 

The conclusion I finally came up with is that the actual gods were watching their big entrance go down, and thought “oh, this’ll be hilarious”

I have never accepted a head canon so quickly.

Accepted

lamsandjeffmadstrash:

patrickat:

out-there-on-the-maroon:

wsswatson:

skygosh:

wsswatson:

i feel like i’d enjoy being an assassin if it didn’t involve killing people

what if instead of killing people you got hired to just ruin their day.  like the mafia or someone paid you to park behind someone’s car so they can’t back out of a spot when they’re in a rush in the morning and you make them late for work.

i would enjoy that immensely

there is a long list of people that i would gladly do that to without payment

This is how low-tier supervillains start. 

“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be an asshole.”

pffff

elizabitchtaylor:

If women made dating profiles like men do: “Name’s Tiffany. 21, single, and ready to mingle. DON’T message me if you are one of those fake manly men who is obsessed with growing a beard, wearing flannel, or sports. I’m only interested in someone real, that I can chill with, watching Kate Hudson movies or discussing fashion. I like a bf who can be one of the girls someone I can talk to without spending hours obsessing over his car or snowboarding. Tired of all the high-maintenance fakes.”

anexperimentallife:

bookcharactersthough:

danielle-writes:

Some advice for when you’re writing and find yourself stuck in the middle of a scene:

  • kill someone
  • ask this question: “What could go wrong?” and write exactly how it goes wrong
  • switch the POV from your current character to another – a minor character, the antagonist, anyone
  • stop writing whatever scene you’re struggling with and skip to the next one you want to write
  • write the ending
  • write a sex scene
  • use a scene prompt
  • use sentence starters
  • read someone else’s writing

Never delete. Never read what you’ve already written. Pass Go, collect your $200, and keep going.

This is the literal best writing advice I have ever read. Period.

Special note: “Kill someone” means kill someone in the story. Please do not kill random real life passers by every time you hit a block. My lawyer says misunderstanding writing advice is not an acceptable defense. See you all in 25 to 50 years.

charlesoberonn:

writing-prompt-s:

Reincarnation is a known, common, and expected result of death. You are a bounty hunter that specializes in tracking down people who have committed suicide to escape debts or a jail sentence.

“It’s a girl!” the doctor exclaimed.

“It’s a fucking tax dodger is what is it!” Blaize ‘The Flame’ Hogan burst into the infirmary, cocking his shotgun.

comingupforblair:

thefreelancerdivision:

holy-crap-someone-finally:

flightyfinch:

my FAVORITE tropes compiled thanks to some suggestions from others

  • a character gets a sick burn and doesn’t realize it immediately, at some point later there’s just “HEY WAIT A MINUTE”
  • the double take. this one’s an oldie but a goodie
  • the injured character makes the killing shot that saves everyone else in a dangerous situation
  • a character who isn’t speaking is doing something weird in the background, it’s subtle and never acknowledged it’s just there for those who notice it (pulling another character out of something they got stuck in, making a huge sandwich, etc)
  • the beleaguered assistant inches away from smacking their boss
  • “quick act natural”
  • in that vein, the leader character was just in a shouting match with someone and when they come back the rest of the team scrambles to look like they weren’t listening at the door
  • never forget: “he’s standing right behind me isn’t he”
  • When a character mentions a normal past event and someone else mentions an absurd detail (”Don’t you remember what happened last time you went to the dentist?” “Those deaths were nothing to do with me”) 
  • Multiple characters banding together to lie about something 
  • Characters being split up for questioning
  • Really stoic characters briefly becoming happy, freaking everyone out
  • “I think that went well!” *Distant explosion*

-“quick act natural” *everyone scrambles to do completely random shit that looks anything but natural*

“Character X is described a certain way” *Immediate cut to Character X acting the exact opposite of how They were described*

Characters acting like They’re in a really tense, dramatic situation and then we find out that They were talking about or doing something really normal.

Characters wearing headphones are completely oblivious to all of the really dangerous and dramatic stuff going on around Them.