Tag: funny

thatsthat24:

frytha:

anniephantom:

labirdgeoiseed:

this is my favorite goofy pun ever, I have told it at least five times

I don’t care, fuck you

okay ready

as you all know, saint patrick walked barefoot as an act of contrition, which made his feet rugged and blistered. he ate an ascetic’s diet, which made him weak and additionally gave him bad breath.

all of this made him

a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

oh my god

I choked

THE MOTHER OF ALL PUNS

relatable deaths from ancient times

gothicwhoreoine:

thoodleoo:

  • chrysippus: died laughing at his own joke
  • zeuxis: died laughing at his own art
  • aeschylus: stayed outside in his old age to avoid a prophecy that he would die from having something fall on his head, died when an eagle thought his bald head was a rock and dropped a turtle on him to break its shell
  • plato: partied too hard
  • empedocles: jumped into a volcano to prove that he was immortal
  • philitas of cos: was such an incredible pedant that he wasted away while studying erroneous word usage
  • saint lawrence: roasted alive during christian persecution under valerian, joked that he was done on one side and needed to be flipped over
  • didius julianus: purchased the roman empire in an auction, ruled for 9 weeks, executed for being ineffective leader
  • petronius arbiter: sentenced to death by nero, opened his veins while enjoying a sumptuous dinner party, edited his will to list all of the reasons he hated nero

Tag urself I’m Plato

professor-goodwitch:

flamingrubys :

puppetmaster55 :

fencehopping :

Video Games IRL : Mythbusters testing first person shooter carrying every item they encounter.

Okay but this isn’t even the best part like, Adam and Jamie had two runs through of this course: one where they swapped weapons when they picked up a new one, and this run where they carried everything. Both of them lasted five minutes on the swap run, and fifteen minutes when they had to carry everything.

Then they got an actual SEAL to run the course, the guy who is described as having exactly the type of body type and fitness level that you’d see on a shoot-em-up protagonist. The swap run he made in exactly three minutes. The run where he carried everything?

He was slowed down by exactly five seconds.

JESUS

Source: fencehopping