you know how ppl wanted morgan freeman to narrate their life for a while? i think i want jeff goldblum to narrate mine just ‘she’s ahhhhh she’s kind of um she’s sitting there very quietly reading some uh ahahaha fanfiction and really, it’s great, it looks great, she’s feeling great i think she’s gonna uuhh scroll down a little bit more and see the hmm mmh yes action! ha, uh, yes.’
Start out perfect and don’t change a thing. Always accentuate your best features by pointing at them. And conceal your flaws by sucker punching anyone who has the audacity to mention them.
Never too old to learn from the Muppets.
And this:
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” – Miss Piggy
The thing I love about cats is that they’re basically born ready to throw down. There’s something strangely life-affirming about seeing a ball of fuzz that could fit in the palm of your hand with room to spare react to an unfamiliar creature literally a hundred times its size by going “I roll Intimidation”.
RandomFandom 