niles the butler + one scene per episode [127/145]:
Once a Secretary, Always a Secretary
Tag: funny
Everyone in Infinity Wars gonna be complaining about how hard these last few years have been for them until Thor rolls up with no hair, no hammer, and one eye.
Don’t forget “my planet had to be destroyed to keep my sister from killing like the whole universe so now me and all my people are refugees. But hey, Loki’s back, that’s good news!”
Peter(raises his hand in the back): “…My homecoming date‘s dad turned out to be my arch nemesis and a building fell on me!“
Thor (smiles and gives a thumbs-up): “Good for you! (aside, to Tony)…Who is that person? Do we know him or did he just show up?”
T’Challa: My dad died, too.
Thor: I apologize for your loss, I know how it feels
Thor: (To Steve) Who is that handsome man dressed like a kitten?
Starlord: My dad turned out to be this giant, planet eating god and tried to kill me so I had to kill him.
Thor: These things happen sometimes.
Thor: (to Banner) Are we just picking up strangers with sad family stories or…?
This is now canon, you can all go home, there’s no need to see infinity war
if i was a pirate captain i would get a movie projector and play a movie on the big sails every friday night for my boys to kick back and enjoy some time off unless we were under attack
Pirates legit did the 16-17th century equivalent of this. When things were slow, they would put on plays, act out dramas of stories they knew, or freestyle. The most preferred model of original productions was courtroom drama: “trying” each other for piracy. The “accused” would list off their many, dramatically and humorously embellished crimes, and be equally dramatically sentenced. Sometimes there was a daring escape, sometimes just a really maudlin death scene, but a good time was had by all.
The Last Words Of Famous Writers
When you’ve dedicated your life to words, it’s important to go out eloquently.
- Ernest Hemingway: “Goodnight my kitten.” Spoken to his wife before he killed himself.
- Jane Austen: “I want nothing but death.” In response to her sister, Cassandra, who was asking her if she wanted anything.
- J.M Barrie: “I can’t sleep.”
- L. Frank Baum: “Now I can cross the shifting sands.”
- Edgar Allan Poe: “Lord help my poor soul.”
- Thomas Hobbes: “I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap into the dark,”
- Alfred Jarry: “I am dying…please, bring me a toothpick.”
- Hunter S. Thompson: “Relax — this won’t hurt.”
- Henrik Ibsen: “On the contrary!”
- Anton Chekhov: “I haven’t had champagne for a long time.”
- Mark Twain: “Good bye. If we meet—” Spoken to his daughter Clara.
- Louisa May Alcott: “Is it not meningitis?” Alcott did not have meningitis, though she believed it to be so. She died from mercury poison.
- Jean Cocteau: “Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking towards me, without hurrying.”
- Washington Irving: “I have to set my pillows one more night, when will this end already?”
- Leo Tolstoy: “But the peasants…how do the peasants die?”
- Hans Christian Andersen: “Don’t ask me how I am! I understand nothing more.”
- Charles Dickens: “On the ground!” He suffered a stroke outside his home and was asking to be laid on the ground.
- H.G. Wells: “Go away! I’m all right.” He didn’t know he was dying.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “More light.”
- W.C. Fields: “Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!” “Carlotta” was Carlotta Monti, actress and his mistress.
- Voltaire: “Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.” When asked by a priest to renounce Satan.
- Dylan Thomas: “I’ve had 18 straight whiskies…I think that’s the record.”
- George Bernard Shaw: “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.”
- Henry David Thoreau: “Moose…Indian.”
- James Joyce: “Does nobody understand?”
- Oscar Wilde: “Either the wallpaper goes, or I do.”
- Bob Hope: “Surprise me.” He was responding to his wife asking where he wanted to be buried.
- Roald Dahl’s last words are commonly believed to be “you know, I’m not frightened. It’s just that I will miss you all so much!” which are the perfect last words. But, after he appeared to fall unconscious, a nurse injected him with morphine to ease his passing. His actual last words were a whispered “ow, fuck”
- Salvador Dali hoped his last words would be “I do not believe in my death,” but instead, they were actually, “Where is my clock?”
- Emily Dickinson: “I must go in, the fog is rising.”
Tag yourself. I’m HG Wells.
I’m Voltaire
I’m Roald Dahl
^^^^ Literally one of my favorite Geordi and Data interactions for SO many reasons.
First, I love that Geordi will talk to Data about almost anything, but when Data starts in on some stupid joke, Geordi’s first instinct is “Oh, no…” followed by a sprint for the exit. Like he doesn’t even take his VISOR with him. He will do anything, pay anything, leave his sight behind to escape the monotone, hallmark humor he is about to be subjected to.
Second, I love that Data’s first instinct, when his friend begins to flee from his attempt at humor is to block his only route of escape. As if Geordi is being crazy and he just doesn’t understand how hilarious this joke is going to be. He must tell his best friend his new joke, no matter the cost.
Third, I love that then he slowly pushes his friend back into the room as he recites his stupid, centuries-old joke in a complete monotone. This is what the rise of robots will look like. Not Skynet. Not the Matrix. Just socially awkward, pale androids locking us in a room and forcing us to listen to their bad jokes.
And finally, I love that Geordi listens, then just shakes his head, and Data shakes his head, too. Like I can’t tell if Data is following Geordi’s head movements like a kitten or if he’s shaking his head because deep down he knew it wasn’t a good joke and Geordi is just confirming his suspicions.
I JUST LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH
Princess Bride themed restaurant. Waiters say “as you wish” after taking your order.
Finish the Fezzik in an hour, your meal is free.
Come in a wheelbarrow, your meal is 10% off.
Every so often the hostess will say “bye bye boys, have fun storming the castle!” as people are leaving.
Miracle Max’s Cure for the Mostly Dead is on the menu and its a giant chocolate cakeball.
The servers will sometimes switch your wines after distracting you.
They sell Anybody Want a Peanut Brittle at the door.
“There are a shortage of perfect chicken breasts in the world. Twould be a pity not to order these.”
“Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. I’ll be your server.
Prepare to dine.”
BWEAKFAST, BWEAKFAST IS WHAT BWINGS US TOGEVVER TODAY
“Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They’re so perky, I love that.”
He is so polite and precious
From Star Trek: The Next Generation, S3 E22 “The Most Toys” 8:20
What a gentleman
that dog’s tail went on a journey
tv shows with time travel organizations/bureaus/police/agencies/whatever should have a department with instead of a tech genius eating candy, it’s a harried seamstress or fashion designer who is like
“1450 italy? does it look like I have the time to dye you wool? nO. YOU’RE GOING TO THE 1980s”
and throws shoulder pads at the hapless time agent
“I literally made three- THREE- 18th century corsets last week. You can wait until one of them gets back, or you can go sometime post-1920s, because if I have to sew one more god damn channel I will literally lose my mind.”
“Upper middle class?!?!? You told me upper class! FUCK YEAH THERE’S A DIFFERENCE!!!”
“How about kimoNO.”
“Look me in the eyes. I do not care what you want. This is the 1500s. You absolutely cannot wear trousers.”
“Another court gown?? Here’s a novel idea: go as a peasant for once in your life. Why do you do this to me? You’re fucking sadists that’s why.”
“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be up all night hand painting silk.”
“THE POLICY IS ONE MONTH’S ADVANCE NOTICE ON PRE-1900s WOMEN’S FASHION FOR A REASON, DEBRA.”
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