The Riddler hijacks the local TV airwaves and appears onscreen holding a comically long roll of paper. After dramatically clearing his throat, he proceeds to read from it.
“The following is a list of people who can suck it. Number One: The Joker. I don’t think I need to explain that one. Number Two: Cluemaster. Fuck you, you stole my bit, and I will be like a plague unto your house. Number Three: King Tut. You also stole my bit, but did it while killing people and got me arrested for murder. Also, I’m, like, 93% sure you’re a white guy and your costume is racist.
“Number Four: The Scarecrow. I know you ate my leftover Chinese, Jon, even though I wrote my name on it. I was saving that for lunch. I had to eat a goddamn peanut butter and jelly sandwich like a five-year-old. It was all you had in the hideout. For fuck’s sake, go shopping, not all of us can live like a bridge troll.
“Number Five: The Penguin. You- No, no, wait, wait… That one should be crossed out. He replaced that and apologized. Never mind, Oswald, you’re fine. Drinks at 7:00 tomorrow, right?
“Anyway, where was…? Ah, yes. Number Six: The Mad Hatter. You carded me and left me like that for six hours because I, and I quote, ‘would not stop talking about Mythbusters.’ Well, excuse me for trying to make intellectually stimulating conversation on a level you could understand. I suppose every time you prattle on about mome raths and borogoves it’s goddamn Shakespeare? Well… Well, it’s Carroll, but… Oh, you know what I mean!
“Number Seven: Catwoman. You left me hanging by one hand from a ledge five stories up and holding a twenty-pound bag of jewels and very pointy
objets d’art while you ‘distracted’ the Dark Knight. I know you were making out with him, Selina. You were gone for fifteen minutes. My shoulder almost dislocated. Very unprofessional.
“Number Eight: Kite Man.”
Here the Riddler pauses, lifting his narrowed gaze to glare at the camera, voice dropping to an ominous tone.
“You know what you did…”
His demeanor shifts quickly, and he’s back to reading from his list almost cheerfully.
“Number Nine! Th-”
He’s interrupted by a crashing noise in the background and looks over his shoulder just an instant before a deep voice angrily growls, “Riddler!”
“Oh, for the love of-” He turns to glare at the camera, speaking quickly. “Number Nine: Batman! Interrupting me while I’m on television making very important- Hm-mmph!”
He’s reduced to muffled curses as a black gloved hand covers his mouth and pulls him out of frame. The camera tilts, a cracking noise is heard, and the broadcast turns to static.
KITE MAN’S CRIMES WERE NUMEROUS AND TERRIBLE
If I were batman I’d give him like a five minute warning, because this actually sounds theraputic.
Batman: Riddler, you’ve hijacked the TV airwaves and you know that’s wrong but I think this is actually theraputic. So I’m giving you five minutes, and then I’m taking you to Arkham
Robin: Geez get a facebook account for this crap, hell if you wanna vent to millions of strangers just get youtube.
“RIDDLER YOU CAN’T JUST GO ON TV AND SCREAM AT PEOPLE
THAT’S WHAT YOUTUBE IS FOR”
Riddler takes this advice. He gets his own youtube channel called RiddleMe_Th15. It starts out as being purely therapeutic, a platform for publically calling out those who have annoyed him. Then someone leaves him a pathetically easy riddle to solve in the comments, and he spends his next segment ranting about it, and then posing a better one.
This starts a dialogue with a number of other youtube users who both attempt to answer his riddles and pose their own riddles in return.
Riddler has found his people, and his hit count is climbing.
Seriously, Riddler would KILL IT (metaphorically speaking) on YouTube. He just does those weird animated puzzle videos where he poses lengthy, overly complicated puzzles, game theories, and riddles, then gives away…fuck I don’t know…Amazon or iTunes cards to whoever gets them right.
“Riddle me this: How can I ensure there are more videos like this one? The answer, my little quest solvers, is simple: Like and subscribe, and consider donating to my Patreon! Which isn’t much of a Riddle, but seriously I’m down to eating crackers and ramen right now and YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain.”
Bringing this back because “YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain” has to be shared and because I have some followers who have not experienced The Riddler Post.
Seriously, if you ever need a good time, just read all the responses in the notes. This post still ranks as one of the best things I’ve ever done.
The Green Dragon, Hobbiton, Matamata, New Zealand 2018
Please tell me there’s an actual restaurant in there
There is… and everyone get’s one drink for free
Also these days you can actually EAT in there if you go when they have a night-time banquet and tour, and…get ready for it…you can have YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION in there (after getting married in Hobbiton).
The Furies: “Xena’s sanity was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. The Furies, however, will be opening their own lap-dancing variety show off-off-off Broadway soon.”
Been There, Done That: “The rooster was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. Although his feathers were severely ruffled, a little gel and mousse straightened out the mess.”
The Dirty Half Dozen: “No Convicts were reformed during the production of this motion picture. Can’t we all just get along?”
The Deliverer: “Gabrielle was slightly well – done during the production of this motion picture. However the producers would like to recommend a zesty barbecue sauce to bring out the full flavor of this episode.”
Gabrielle’s Hope: “Despite witnessing the bizarre and somewhat disturbing birth of Gabrielle’s Hope, no farm animals were harmed or traumatized during the production of this motion picture.”
The Debt – Part 1: “No frock tarts were killed during the making of this motion picture, although they wished they had been.”
The Debt – Part 2: “Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship suffered another blow (although Gabrielle doesn’t know it yet) during the production of this motion picture.”
The King of Assassins: “Due to the infliction of a severe wedgie, Joxer was slightly uncomfortable but not harmed during the production of this motion picture.”
Warrior…Priestess…Tramp: “Despite another Xena lookalike, the gene pool (or rather the gene puddle) was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.”
The Quill is Mightier: “No naked Gabrielles were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”
Maternal Instincts: “Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship was harmed during the production of this motion picture.”
The Bitter Suite: “The musical genre was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. In fact, the producers sincerely hope you were A-MUSE-D by this episode.”
One Against An Army: “Gabrielle’s ankle was harmed during the production of this motion picture.”
Forgiven: “No street-talking, cat-fighting, barroom brawling juvenile delinquents were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”
King Con: “No con men were conned during the production of this motion picture.”
When In Rome: “Caesar’s palace was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However Crassus and the gladiators went down for the count.”
Forget Me Not: “Xena and Joxer were not forgotten during the production of this motion picture.”
Fins, Femmes and Gems: “Joxer’s dignity was slightly harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Gabrielle’s pink nightie was restored to its original condition.”
Tsunami: “No cast or crew were singing “Tanks For The Memories” during the production of this motion picture.“
Vanishing Act: “Upon completion of the filming of this episode, Autolycus’ scuba gear was placed on display at the Athens Diving Institute for the education and enjoyment of future generations to come.”
Sacrifice – Part 1: “No Pulsing Cocoons were hatched during the production of this motion picture. What you witnessed was purely a reenactment.”
Sacrifice – Part 2: “Gabrielle finally went off the deep end during the production of this motion picture.”
Rape: As countless people have said – Half of the movie’s main cast consists of sex slaves. And there’s not a single rape scene.
Gore: The film looks exactly the type to be ultra-violent a la Quentin Tarantino. But it’s not. The one gory moment is one that you can see coming from miles away and lasts only for a second. And even then, it’s not terrible. Considering this, the movie probably could have had a PG-13 rating with minor alteration.
Sexualization: Five women wearing nothing but gauze sounds like a recipe for anything but what we got; no lingering, awkward, bodily shots. There was even a scene with a completely naked young woman with the camera focused directly on her. Guess what. The camera treated her exactly as if she were wearing flannel pajamas.
Degradation of women: Bad people get upset. We get that. Sometimes they like to swear at our heroines. And yet no one felt the need to say “bitch,” “cunt,” or “whore.” How a film managed to present about the least female-friendly society you can imagine but treated its female characters with more respect than 99% of action movies is beyond me.
Things that the film did not handle with restraint:
FLAMETHROWER GUITAR.
Gender equality: No one once says “Women are ___,” or “Men are ___.” It almost seems like outside of Immortan Joe’s freakishly utilitarian society, men and women get along just fine. Huh. Weird.
Death: Good and bad people die alike on the Fury Road; very quickly. It’s your typical action movie body count. But in a move that’s both odd and brilliant, the film spends a good amount of it’s scarce dialogue detailing what death means to the characters. For some, it’s a suicidal call to honor. For others, it’s a necessary risk to bring about more life. People die in droves. And it’s sad. Death matters.
Criticism: This is about the most critical movie of gender inequality, capitalism, and fascism I’ve ever seen without anyone ever mentioning gender inequality, capitalism or fascism.
COMPASSION: I can’t state this enough. This is a post-apocalyptic genre movie where people kill each other over sex slaves, border disputes, and cars and its message is hope and compassion. The biggest, most heroic moment of the movie is an act of healing, not an act of violence. WHOA.
The African Renaissance Monument in Senegal, larger that the Eiffel tower and the statue of liberty .. Things you don’t see in mainstream media. @KrystVegaNeteru
This is beautiful.
I think this picture better illustrates the size of that monument.
I never even knew this existed this makes me so happy to find out about it
“40 is good, 50 is great, 60 is fab, and 70 is fucking awesome!” ~ Helen Mirren 💪🏻
missed some greats!
I can’t believe Julie Andrews is not on this list guys.
“It’s fucking outrageous. It’s ridiculous. And ’twas ever thus. We all watched James Bond as he got more and more geriatric, and his girlfriends got younger and younger. It’s so annoying.” – Helen Mirren on the bullshit that is (sexist) ageism (source)
Whenever you need a positive role model to help you remember that aging is NATURAL, aging is BEAUTIFUL, there is NOTHING WRONG with aging, and if you’re LUCKY will you live long enough to experience it – look long and hard at every single one of these these Queens.
LOOK. AT. THEM.
Go ladies!
Might I add
Rekha
Hema Malini
Shabana Azmi
Asha Parekh
Rita Moreno
Many women have talked about how amazing life is after your 40s. Some have their happiest years in their 70s. We need to stop believing society when it tells us our lives are over when we reach 35.
RandomFandom 