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ultrafacts:

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.

Examples:

  • “There but for the grace of God—goes God.” —Winston Churchill 
  • “If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.” —Homer Simpson
  • “If I am reading this graph correctly—I’d be very surprised.” —Stephen Colbert
  • “On his feet he wore…blisters.” —Aristotle
  • “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” —Groucho Marx
  • “A modest man, who has much to be modest about.” —supposedly Winston Churchill, about Clement Attlee
  • “I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don’t know I’m using blanks.” —Emo Philips
  • “I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.” —Mitch Hedberg
  • “I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night.” —Bill Hicks
  • “I don’t belong to an organized political party. I’m a Democrat.” —Will Rogers
  • “On the other hand, you have different fingers.” —Steven Wright
  • “He was at his best when the going was good.” —Alistair Cooke on the Duke of Windsor
  • “To our wives and our sweethearts — may they never meet.” — Traditional Royal Navy toast

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Source: ultrafacts

ds9vgrconfessions:

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[Instead of ending up together, I would have really loved it if Julian had become kind of like Ezri’s Sisko – good friends in a prior life, with Dax as the mentor, and then their friendship continuing on into the next life, the now older, more mature friend mentoring the new Dax during their first shaky steps as a new host. But No, everything’s gotta be het.]

Source: ds9vgrconfessions

justqueenthoughts:

Bohemian Rhapsody. We Will Rock You. Somebody To Love. All hit singles, and all the direct product of a band that was formed when an astrophysicist and a dentistry major found a new friend in an art college, who then went on to recruit a fourth member from the electronics school. Based on this alliance I propose the rift in society between Arts and STEM students was fabricated to keep us separated so as to dilute our true power – and fabricated by who, you may ask? The business major, the only member of society who reaps no reward from art and science and thus must weaken us so as to stay ahead. In this essay I will

why-animals-do-the-thing:

tyrantisterror:

Tyrannosaurus was not the most dangerous animal in the park.  Having imprinted on its handler since infancy, the creature maintained a docile temperament all the way to adulthood, and indeed seemed to prefer feeding from its designated trough to pursuing prey.  Its interactions with staff and guests showed at most a mild curiosity, and the only real terror the beast inspired was when it snuck up on trainers to sniff their hats.

The raptors were not the most dangerous animals in the park.  Hollywood had greatly exaggerated their size, first of all, and while they had a mischievous streak (one individual in particular was fond of stealin zookeepers’ wallets), they were far from the hyper-intelligent murder lizards everyone expected.  Their intelligence was less of the predatory sort and more the comical intelligence of a corvid, devoted mostly to play and caring for their fellow flock members.

The mosasaur was not the most dangerous animal in the park.  Though it held no loyalty to the zookeepers, it had taken to training well enough, and would dutifully move to a specific section of the tank when signaled, giving the keepers space to carry out any business they needed to accomplish in its tank without fear of harm.

No, by far the most dangerous animal in the park was the Struthiomimus.  Everyone expected it to be easy – what were these animals in pop culture beyond being fodder for the carnivores?  Surely the bird-mimics couldn’t be much of a hassle.  Sadly, they weren’t just any bird mimics.

No, in temperament, the Struthiomimus mimicked a swan.

Highly territorial and vicious to the bone, more keepers had suffering brutal beatings by the struthis than had been hurt by the rest of the park’s fauna combined.  And when they learned to chew through the fences…

Well, let’s just say the Tyrannosaurus never experienced a more terrifying day in her life.

This is my new favorite story. 

likeafantasy:

❝Britney was no record label’s puppet. She had a key voice in the production and her creative touches made the video iconic. The school class was her idea, which she convinced the management would be better than their idea. Britney wanted the video to relate to her fans and their experiences, so felt a school was more natural and realistic to them and her personality. The idea was they are daydreaming about getting out and having fun, remembering a guy she broke up with. All the uniforms were picked up from K-Mart for about £19 with costumiers working fast to get them fitted. After a couple of takes Britney felt that the tails of the shirt were getting in the way of her hand movements, so before another take she tied a knot in the shirt. It happened naturally. She was in fantastic shape so her midriff was toned. I lost count of how many backflips she did. It was groundbreaking too with the casting, because we had a diverse cast of dancers – which represented the truth about American schools. It was innocent in its conception, but the integration of the styling and choreography created that edge.❞

Source: likeafantasy